Why Creating Work-Life Balance is a Lie.
Do you ever feel like you are constantly pulled in a thousand different directions?
Like you can’t possibly do and achieve all the things you want to do?
Like you are moving faster and hustling more, but you still haven’t “made it”?
Yeah, don’t worry…you aren’t alone. It’s so easy to feel like we aren’t measuring up.
Honestly, it’s exhausting. But don’t worry, I didn’t just tell you all of that to bring you down, after all this Blog is all about giving you courage, motivation, and inspiration.
Let me share a few quick tips to help you move forward in a direction you really WANT to go.
Don’t Buy the LIE
For a lot of years I bought into the lie that I could do everything if I just worked hard enough. And honestly that’s what the world told me I should do.
Work harder to achieve status in my career, work harder to earn more money so I could keep up with the Joneses, worker harder and run and lift a little more so I could attain the “perfect” figure…
I don’t know about you, but YUCK!
I am learning to let go of the idea that I need to do it all…at least all at once. Don’t get me wrong, I still have BIG goals and dreams, but I’m learning to give myself a little bit of grace.
I don’t have to accomplish everything TODAY. Which is probably a good thing, because I didn’t even drag my butt out of bed until after 8 this morning, so there’s that…
But I feel like we’ve all bought into the idea that we should be working harder or hustling more to “achieve.” It’s the messages we are being fed every day.
But do you ever stop and ask yourself, “what am I trying to achieve?”
And more importantly, “why is that important to me?”
Kick SHOULD to the Curb
It’s easy to listen to what the world is telling us. We are getting constant messages about what we SHOULD look like…How we SHOULD show up as moms, wives, employees, bosses, the list goes on and on.
And if like me, you’ve ever struggled with feeling like “not enough,” we take all of those messages and compare ourselves to them. Then we beat ourselves up because our lives don’t look like the “perfect” IG feeds of the women around us.
The good news is we don’t have to follow what the world is saying. We get to decide what we WANT to do, not what we SHOULD do.
In my coaching training, I learned that SHOULD is just COULD wrapped in SHAME.
It’s the things we think we need to do to look like we have it all together.
So let’s kick those SHOULDs to the curb.
Instead let’s focus on the things we want to do because they add value to our lives and to the lives of those around us. Not because it will look good on our social media accounts, but because they will helps us feel healthy, energized, and connected. Because they will help us serve others and leave a legacy we are proud of.
The good news is that we aren’t created or called to be perfect. We are created to love, to show up for others, to honor God with our gifts and talents, and to simply learn to live a more faithful life.
And while that can bring its own list of things we feel like we SHOULD be doing, it also releases us from trying to do it ALL.
Focus on Your Key Domains
Intentional living is all about taking an honest look at where we are in some key domains, and then working to improve the things we WANT to spend time on.
I love thinking about my life in terms of faith, relationships, health, career, finances, and fun! (Yes, I add fun because as a type A overachiever sometimes I forget that I’m supposed to slow down and have FUN…so I have to add it in there to keep me accountable!)
When I think about my life in terms of these core domains, it gives me a strategy for how to focus my energy. Not everyone will have the exact same core domains.
Michael Hyatt uses the following 10 domains to calculate a Life Score:
Vocational, Avocational, Financial, Spiritual, Intellectual, Emotional, Physical, Marital, Parental, and Social
I love his system, but it felt a little bit overwhelming to focus on 10 things. SO I shortened my list a little and combined some of the areas to make it more workable for me.
Decide what domains you want to focus on moving forward. They don’t have to look like mine, or Michael Hyatt. Only you know what things are important to you.
The beauty of this system is that we can give ourselves permission to have ebbs and flows in different domains. We need to accept that we can’t do everything or be all things to all people…all that does is wear us out.
Instead, we need to take an honest look at our lives, decide what we want to have priority right now, and then take intentional steps to make those areas better.
Right now, I’m working on improving my relationship with my husband. Not because it was bad, but because I had realized I had let it slip a little bit as I focused on some career goals. I’m working at creating intentional date nights and simply being more present with him.
Stop with the Balancing Act!
Okay, there is one more lie I feel like I have to address before I wrap up this post.
That’s the lie that we can keep all of these things in perfect balance. The good old work-life balance or Lean In messages we’ve been sold that tell us we can do it all and keep it all together…all the time…
Here’s the reality my friends, you can’t keep everything in perfect balance…there’s no such thing!
Life just doesn’t work that way.
So unless you’ve figured out how to clone yourself or build a time machine, there just aren’t enough hours in the day to do ALL the things we feel like we should do in all the domains we probably think are important in our lives.
So instead of beating ourselves up about that, we are going to learn to use a teeter totter approach to life…recongizing we can’t do it all.
Seriously, say it with me, “I can’t do it all and that’s okay. Today I’m going to do the most important thing.”
Did you stop and say it? I know some of you are thinking, but Lora I can do it all…I just need to….fill in the blank!
STOP. You can’t. I love you and you are amazing, but God didn’t design you to do ALL the things. That’s His job…not yours.
Take a deep breath, relax, and say “I can’t do it all and that okay…today I’m going to do the most important thing”
The value of letting go of the balancing act myth and instead focusing on our key domains, is that allows us the ability to continually shift the balance and focus our energy in different directions over time.
Sometimes my focus shifts to my Air Force career, when that happens I know I need to spend time thinking about relationships and health or they tend to suffer. Sometimes my health journey is going great, but I forget to include fun in my days. You get the idea.
Be Intentional
The cure for all of this madness is intentional living. Being mindful and deliberate about how you show up. How you spend your time. How you spend your money. How you spend your energy.
In case you need it, I’m giving you permission to stop trying to do it all. Stop feeling like you aren’t measuring up. Stop doubting your awesomeness.
Slow down and enjoy the life that God is calling you to live. Step into that big scary calling he has for you.
Use your key domains to set goals that are meaningful to you based on where you are today and where you want to go in the future. If you’re going to Lean In, lean in to that!
And do periodic check-ins over time to make sure you are staying on track with the things that are important to you.
Since you all know I love homework, what’s one area you’d like to focus on for the next 30 days? Drop a comment below.
If you’d like to dig in a little deeper to this idea, I’ve created a free 7 day Intentional Living Challenge to help myself (and you) get really clear on where we are in these key domains and to come up with some practical steps for what you’d like to improve.
I’d love for you to join me
